


Of Regrets and Missed Opportunities

by BiaPendragon



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Friends, Fraldarddydilfs, M/M, Oblivious Lambert, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2020-10-25 11:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20723561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiaPendragon/pseuds/BiaPendragon
Summary: Sometimes, words just don't come out.A collection of various times in his life when Rodrigue wished he could say something to Lambert about how he truly felt,  and yet the words escaped him.





	1. Chapter 1

He was fourteen years old the first time it happened. He was warming up before practice when he saw Lambert walking into the training grounds with a pretty girl by his side. She had long wavy hair the color of gold. Her blue eyes shone brightly in that afternoon light. Her face was perfectly painted, making her appear more mature than she was. And Rodrigue knew the moment he laid his eyes on her that he hated her. 

He hated the way her hand held Lambert's hand. He hated the way she faked a laugh over whatever his friend was saying. But most of all, he hated how Lambert seemed to be completely captivated by her. The prince could not take his eyes off of her. Every word she said elicited a warm laugh from his beautiful perfect face. 

That last thought made Rodrigue's stomach sink. Perfect? Beautiful? Where had his brain gotten those ideas? Rodrigue had never found anyone attractive before. Of course, Lambert had tried to point out girls he liked to him multiple times, but he had never found any of them anything more than pretty. But seeing how exuberant Lambert looked in that afternoon sun, Rodrigue could not help but wish he were the object of this affection. Sothis, this was the last thing he needed right now.

And then, as if to wake Rodrigue from his reverie, Lambert kissed the girl farewell, promising they would talk more after practice. Rodrigue could not bear to watch the scene anymore. Never in his fourteen years had he felt such a powerful emotion crawl up his chest and consume him. He had never before felt such terrible pain. 

He kept his head down until he heard Lambert's footsteps approach him. 

"Sorry for being late. I got a bit distracted." Lambert said with a chuckle as if everyone in the training field had not seen what he had been doing.

"It is fine." Rodrigue said while trying to avoid his friend's gaze. "Let's just start, ok?"

Lambert ran to get his training lance. Both boys took their sparring positions. Rodrigue took a deep breath. He told himself that this was going to be just like normal; just like how it had always been since they could barely walk. But then he looked up, and his eyes met Lambert's blue eyes. Those perfect orbs that would never look at him the way they looked at that girl. 

Rodrigue froze. He could not register it when Lambert swung his lance and slammed it against his side. He did not realize that his friend's Blaiddyd Crest had activated and he was falling from the shear force of the impact. By the time he knew what was happening, he was on the ground, covered in dust, with pain flaring up his side. 

"Rodrigue!" His friend screamed. "Are you alright?"

"I am fine, I think." He tried to force a smile, but between the pain from where the impact happened and the pain in his chest from earlier, he knew the smile would obviously look contrived. 

"Can you walk?" 

"I am not sure." He tried to move and the pain intensified. He let out a groan in frustration and laid back on the dirt floor.

"I will take that as a no." Lambert then gestured to some soldiers walking nearby and asked them to bring a healer. 

Lambert then sat down next to him and carefully placed a hand on his shoulder. Rodrigue flinched at the sudden contact, but Lambert did not remove the hand. "While we wait, can you tell me what is wrong?" Lambert asked while trying to make eye contact with him.

"It's nothing." Rodrigue mumbled as he turned his face away from Lambert. His heart screamed inside his chest begging him to say what he felt earlier. He wished he could tell Lambert that he disliked that girl. How she was wrong for him. How Lambert was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. How he should be the one besides him. But at the same time his brain reminded him that this was his best friend who was very clearly interested in girls. Lambert would never return his feelings. Saying anything would just ruin their friendship.

"Yes it is something," Lambert slowly took his hand, moved it to the side of Rodrigue's face, and used it to make Rodrigue look at him. "We've been best friends for so many years now and I never saw you just freeze like that. Please, tell me what is wrong."

He did not know how to respond. Lambert's handsome face was so close now that it made his heart skip a beat. He felt the blood rush to his cheeks. Their eyes met. The concerned look in Lambert's eyes was drowning out his apprehensions from just a few moments earlier. 

"I...Lambert..." The words were stuck on his throat. Rodrigue knew he had never been good at expressing his emotions. It was something his mother often complained about, but it had never been this bad. "I…"

But before he could continue, the healers had arrived and were asking Lambert to move so they could treat any injuries. Lambert gave his friend's shoulder a final pat and got up to watch as they treated him. 

After a few agonizing minutes of pouring white magic all over his body, the lead healer deemed Rodrigue healthy. "You managed to break two ribs this time, sire. Please be careful, and rest for the next week. I'll have to make sure the Duke Fraldarius knows." 

Rodrigue nodded slowly. His father would be furious when he heard how his son had managed to wound himself in a simple sparring practice with the prince, but that was the least of his worries now. A much more immediate issue was walking towards them.

"How is he?" Lambert asked the cleric.

"He will be fine, your highness, as long as he rests for the next few days. It will bruise a tad, but nothing permanent. He does need to go to his room now. Should I ask for help from the others?"

"No need, I will carry him."

If Rodrigue had felt nervous earlier, he now wished for death. 

"I can walk." Rodrigue started to get up before Lambert could try to lift him. However, he had underestimated how dizzy he would be from all the events of the day. It was only when he felt two strong hands steadying him that he realized how disoriented he was.

"Let's try to not break anything else today, alright?" His friend said with a laugh as he helped him stand up. Rodrigue hoped the Goddess would strike him down that very moment. Anything to end his misery. 

Lambert then threw Rodrigue's arm over his shoulder and placed his own arm to Rodrigue's side to help guide him as they walked towards their rooms in the palace. They were quiet for most of the way, until they reached an empty hallway and Lambert spoke up. 

"If I didn't know you better, I would say you are in love or something." The blonde teased.

For the second time today, the world stopped. Color drained from Rodrigue's face as he tried to remember how to breathe. His knees buckled and he would have fallen again had Lambert not been holding on to him. 

"Ha! I knew it!" Lambert said with a victorious smirk. "So who is the lucky girl? Is it Eleanor?"

Rodrigue counted his breaths as he tried to collect his thoughts. This could not be happening. Sothis, what did he do to deserve this. He was not even sure who Eleanor was, but he guessed it had to be the girl from earlier. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. He wanted to laugh. He was certain the goddess must want him to suffer. 

"She's beautiful isn't she?" Lambert continued, as he resumed their walk. "Goddess, her eyes are amazing. And her smile! She must be the most beautiful woman in all of Fódlan. If you are this smitten by her, I will have to introduce you to her sometime. You clearly have it much worse than I do."

"That…" the words were trapped in his throat. This had to be a joke, his heart cried inside his chest. Then he looked at Lambert's face. His friend seemed so proud. His smile was so radiant. How could someone look so perfect? Before he realized, it his mouth said "...would be great, Lambert."

"Isn't that what friends are for?" Lambert said shooting him a smile and a wink. Little did the prince know how much those words burned. 

For the rest of the way, Lambert was busy describing the girl and all her friends. All Rodrigue could do was pretend he was listening and nod as he fought the urge to cry. There was no way the prince could know how much his heart was hurting. Lambert was not that cruel. And yet, every new phrase that came out of of the prince's mouth felt like a new dagger had pierced his heart. A walk that should have taken five minutes felt as if it took five hours.

And then they arrived in Rodrigue's room. Lambert helped his friend reach the bed and laid him down. He promised to visit him in a few hours after he was done with his lessons as well as doing whatever he had promised with Countess Eleanor. And then he left.

Years later, Rodrigue would sometimes wonder how his life would have been different if he had corrected Lambert's assumption that afternoon. What would have happened if he had been brave enough to tell him the words he wanted to say in the training field? But at that moment, alone in his room, he cried into his pillow, certain that no matter what he would always love Lambert and his friend would never feel the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/biabarr1) if you want to talk about anything FE3H related!


	2. Chapter 2

Rodrigue was certain that if he had to listen to that stultifying lecture for another minute he would go insane. He was more than accustomed to feigning interest when the professor rambled on about positioning and supply lines, but today she was setting a new record for how long someone could monologue about where the medics had to be placed.

It did not help that any time he allowed himself to daydream, his thoughts would turn to the crumpled letter now sitting in his pocket. Even this drawn out lecture was better than that.

He debated taking a nap, as half of the class had already done, when he felt something touch his arm. He looked and saw there was a small scrap of white paper there. He picked it up to read what had been scribbled there:

_Let's leave?_

He tried to be discreet as he turned his head towards the note sender. Lambert was looking at him with a mischievous grin and a glimmer in his eyes that hinted he already had something planned. Rodrigue gave him a quick nod, causing the blonde's grin to widen.

Lambert covered half of his face with one hand and raised the other to call the teacher's attention.

"Yes, your highness, what is your question?"

"I feel..I feel dizzy." As if to prove his point, Lambert pretended to fall forward into his desk. It was far from being the most believable act Rodrigue had seen. He was certain the professor and the rest of the class knew his friend was just pretending to be ill. He swore to himself, this would be the last time he jumped blind into one of Lambert's schemes.

"Professor, let me take him to the infirmary." Rodrigue blurted out.

The teacher paused for a moment, likely debating the veracity of Lambert's words. It would not be the first time the crown prince had feigned an illness or another emergency to get out of class early. No, it was turning into a common occurrence at this point. Just the previous week Lambert had left the class saying he had food poisoning but then was spotted running around in the town by some of the knights. For that, they had been assigned to clean the stables for two weeks.

"Fine. But if the nurse tells me you were not really sick or anyone catches you two outside of the infirmary, you will have detention for a month."

Rodrigue helped Lambert out of his chair and guided him out of the classroom. The cold wind of the Ethereal Moon was a stark contrast to the stuffy classroom, but when compared to Fhirdiad or Fraldarius, it was no colder than a Spring day.

"What now?" Rodrigue asked, curious if Lambert actually had a second part to this plan or if they had just doomed themselves to a life of horse droppings for a month due to a whim.

"Just follow me."

"Lambert, she was serious." Rodrigue stopped walking and glared at his friend. The glare that he normally used to tell Lambert 'you are an idiot please do not do this.'

"I know, I know." Lambert then used his counter to the glare. He gave him _that_ smile. Whenever Lambert smiled at him that way, Rodrigue felt his heart skip a beat and the world would stop for a second. It was a smile the blonde reserved just for him which always reminded him just how much in love with Lambert he was. Whenever he decided to use that smile, Rodrigue knew there was no point fighting; he would follow his best friend no matter how dangerous or stupid the plan was.

"Just trust me." Lambert then said. He then held out one of his hands as he were asking Rodrigue to take it. "Come."

Rodrigue hesitantly took the hand. Sothis, it must have been at least seven years since the last time they had held hands like this. Since Rufus and his friends had made fun of them and said boys past a certain age should never hold hands with other boys. How holding hands was something you only did with girls. Rodrigue still remembered how much it had hurt when Lambert did not hold out his hand when he called him to come play the next day.

The hand felt different than it had all those years ago. Not only was it much bigger and stronger than the one in his memories, but it was filled with calluses from years of training the sword and spear. And yet, the warmth it radiated was still the same. He was glad that Lambert was looking forward and guiding them now for he could feel the fire on his cheeks.

Lambert led their way through the monastery. He was careful to avoid anyone they knew or who might tell the professor how far they were from the infirmary. A nun tried to question him where he was heading, but the charismatic prince deflected the question by claiming they were on an errand. If she wondered why the two boys were holding hands, she never bothered to voice her question.

"Here we are!" Lambert exclaimed and let go of his friend's hand. Rodrigue's hand clasped at the cold winter air, missing the warmth.

Rodrigue looked around examining his surroundings and tried to recognize where they were since he had been more focused on his old memories with the blonde than watching where he was being taken. They were in front of a stone staircase, which Lambert was already climbing. Behind them seemed to be a bridge of some sort. And then he finished turning around and knew exactly where they were. He ran up the stairs to join his friend.

"You took me to the Goddess Tower?" Rodrigue said a bit louder than he expected. He heard his friend laughing ahead of him.

"Yeah, why not? It is not like they will check up here. Besides I spoke with the guards over there before. They promised to say they never saw us come up here in case anyone is looking for us."

"Why?" His heart was racing. He knew Lambert had heard about the legends regarding this place. What was his friend planning?

"I wanted to talk somewhere private."

"Our rooms?"

"People would look for us there first. Besides I have heard sunset from the top of the tower looks amazing."

“I did not realize you cared for scenery." Rodrigue said with a light-hearted laugh.

"You offend me, my friend. Let it be known that I care for all things beautiful," Lambert laughed back.

"Could have fooled me." Rodrigue tried to keep the bitterness to a minimum, but the floodgates had opened. "Usually the only things I hear you calling beautiful are silly girls." He murmured to himself, hoping the blonde did not hear him. But the amused chuckle from Lambert's direction was proof he had. "Fuck...that's not what I meant."

To his surprise, Lambert started to truly laugh. "Ok, that may have been the worst thing I have heard you say so far." He continued to laugh as if it really had been a joke. "How do you do it?"

"What do you mean?"

"In front of everyone else you act like the embodiment of decorum and propriety, as if you have no emotions except a desire to please. But when it's just the two of us, you can make comments like that and talk like a regular soldier."

They had arrived at the roof of the tower, and Lambert was positioning himself by the window while taking in the scenery. The sun was low now and the sky was slowly becoming a mixture of blues, oranges, and yellows. Rodrigue felt it would be best to join him.

"Do you wish I treat you as everyone else, your majesty?" Rodrigue added a small bow to the gesture.

"Oh goddess, please no. Don't do that again until we are in Fhirdiad and our fathers force us to 'act our parts'." He seemed to squirm as he said those words.

Wanting to change the topic, Rodrigue then asked, "So why are we up here anyways?"

"To watch the sunset." Lambert was still looking at the mountains surrounding them. "I also need your help with something."

"Anything."

"Well you remember how the ball is in three days? I need some help deciding whom I should ask to dance...and if I should bring her up here."

"Lambert…" Rodrigue glared at his friend.

"Don't worry, don't worry. I'm just joking." Lambert was laughing. Rodrigue gave him a soft punch in his shoulder which removed the smirk from Lambert's face. "Actually I was wondering if something happened with you these last few days. You seem a bit agitated."

"Nothing important, just a family matter." Rodrigue put a hand inside his pocket. The letter was still there.

"Ah. Then have you decided who you are taking to the ball?"

"No one."

"Wait, no one at all? Why?"

Rodrigue took a deep breath in. "You know why."

Then he turned to look at Lambert. The gentle colors of sunlight were swimming in his friend's eyes. The chilling winter breeze was turning his cheeks a rosy and making his golden locks fly around his face. And his lips were close, so very close. Rodrigue's heart begged him press his own lips against them.

"Tell me." It was almost as if Lambert was tempting him to reveal his biggest secret for the last five years.

"I…" He searched his brain for the best way to say what was in his heart. But then he felt the paper in his pocket. He could not do this. "Lambert, I never told you what that letter I got from my father three days ago said, did I?"

"No…"

Rodrigue looked down at the stone floor to avoid his friend's eyes. He had wanted to pretend the letter was a joke from his father. He knew it was going to happen someday, but he had hoped he had more time. He took out the offending paper and handed it to Lambert. "My father finalized my betrothal last week. I'm to be married in when the Great Tree Moon arrives."

"Oh." Lambert seemed to be at a loss for words. He read the letter himself. Then he read it again just to be sure what he was reading was real. Rodrigue watched the various emotions in Lambert's blue eyes as he read: pity, sadness, and just a bit of anger.

"Do you know who the bride will be?" Lambert said as he handed the letter back.

"Not yet..." Rodrigue pushed the piece of paper back into his pocket. "But my father has been mentioning some noblewomen who were likely prospects." But none of them were the person he wished to spend the rest of his life besides. 

"I hope she is cute at least. And nice." He offered a sympathetic smile, little aware how much more it hurt the other.

"It doesn't matter if I think she is cute or nice. I have to marry her now." Rodrigue sneered. Even if she was Seiros reborn, this girl would never be the one to have the full hold of his heart. 

"Well, we should enjoy your last few months of freedom then. She shouldn't stop you from dancing at the ball or making a silly wish and a promise that you never intended to keep anyways." Lambert tried to lighten the mood with a laugh. It was not fair how handsome he looked with that bright smile and the gentle afternoon sun bouncing off his skin, making him look like a saint.

Rodrigue sighed. He knew Lambert meant it as a joke, but it still hurt. "You don't understand, Lambert." He felt as if a dagger had just stabbed him in his chest. "I can't."

"Of course you can! If she gets angry you tried to enjoy your academy days, you can tell her I dragged you into it."

"That's….that's not why." The dagger was lodging itself deeper and deeper into his chest slowly wearing away the last bit of restraints.

"Is it honor?"

"No. Just let it go." Breathing was getting more difficult. He hoped his friend would stop soon. A hundred thoughts flooded his mind. Why did he have to be born a noble? Why did his father plan for his wedding to come so quickly? Why did he have to inherit the stupid crest and his brother didn't? Why did have to be in love with his best friend?

"Rodrigue, just allow yourself to have fun for once." There was so much concern in his voice. If he were a less prudent man, Rodrigue may have allowed himself to hope. But the growing pain in his chest was an overwhelming reminder of the truth.

"Even if I still wanted to pretend this wedding was not happening, the person I want to dance with or make silly promises to would never want to do those things with me!" His voice was getting louder as he struggled to keep his breath steady. His usual walls had fallen from the slow chipping of a blunt dagger, leaving just a lonely, heartbroken boy who wished nothing more than to cry and be held by the one he loved. But he could not let himself cry with Lambert there, especially not about this. Not when his feelings for the blonde were the reason behind the tears.

"Have you even asked her?"

How little did the blonde know.

The knife twisted inside of Rodrigue, this time striking the very core of his soul. He wanted to beg the pain to end. "Of course not, in all of the years I loved him, he hasn't even hinted he might see me as anything more than a friend." He didn't realize he screamed it out loud until he saw the confusion in Lambert's face as he tried to process what he had just heard.

Rodrigue panicked, absolutely mortified at what he had just said. He prayed for Sothis to make his end come soon. The last thing he wanted to do was look at Lambert. He sat down on the floor and buried his face in his knees while hugging them with his arms.

"Who is it? Because I'll talk to him and make sure he knows he is the biggest idiot in Fódlan."

"No one." He was trembling. Lambert was not an idiot; he would be able to put it together soon enough. Rodrigue tried to stop the tears, but he could not. He figured Lambert was going to leave him alone up there and go enjoy the rest of his day. Rodrigue deserved it after all for being so pathetic and weak.

But then he felt warmth surrounding him. Lambert had taken off his azure cape and was wrapping it over his friend's shoulders. Rodrigue couldn't help think of how it smelled like Lambert. Then, to further Rodrigue's bewilderment, he felt a body sit down next to him. Suddenly a hand was circling his back while another was playing with his hair.

"I'm sorry." The blonde sounded distraught. "Anything I can do?"

Rodrigue leaned into the warm body next to him. There was so much he wished he could say as an answer but was too scared to verbalize. So he simply shook his head and whispered. "Just stay here."

"Always."

Rodrigue had no idea how much time they spent in silence like that, with him crying into his knees and his friend gently caressing him. He assumed it must have been no more than a few minutes. But when he finally had calmed down enough to feel it was safe to look up, he noticed it was already dark. Stars were out and a full moon was climbing out of the mountains, bathing the tower in a serene pale light.

"Feel better?" Lambert slowly pulled back his hands and moved so he was sitting in front of his friend. A ray of moonlight from the window illuminated his face. Seeing his friend's angelic face in the moonlight made Rodrigue's heart stop.

"Yeah" he nodded slowly. "I just needed to let it out."

"Don't worry about it." Lambert paused, weighing the words he was about to say. "Honestly, I think we are all scared right now. Marriage, titles, promises, responsibilities, the future. Everything is rushing us at once. In four months, everything we know will be different. I would be lying if I said I wasn't overwhelmed as well."

Lambert allowed a sad smile to cloud his handsome face. He looked exhausted, as if he had been trying to win a race against time and finally realized he could never win. Soon he would have to take a title that felt too big for a single man. He would have to shoulder the lives of millions. Every choice he made would affect the lives of every citizen in the kingdom. And on top of all that, he would soon be forced to marry a foreign princess he had never seen, just to secure an alliance or stop a war.

This was the future that had been decided for them the moment they were born. The moment their crests had manifested. Nothing they did could save them from their fates. It was the sad truth of being a noble in Fódlan. Even if they tried to flee, their crests would continue to haunt them. 

Minutes of agonizing silence passed as the two men thought about their fates. Both started at the other as they tried to find something to say to help lift the mood.

"You know, we are two people on the top of the Goddess Tower." Lambert whispered, finally putting an end to the silence. "Maybe we can make a wish with each other?"

Rodrigue chuckled in disbelief, "Didn't you say earlier that those wishes and promises were silly and you don't intend to keep them? What's next, will you ask me to dance with you?"

Lambert actually blushed. "I meant they are silly if you do them with a girl you'll never see again after graduation." Then he added much more softly, "It is different if it is with you."

Ok now he was the one blushing. “Fine, but you go first.”

“I was thinking earlier about everything, and honestly, I wish we could just freeze time forever and never leave this place." He paused for a second. "But the goddess is not that benevolent, is she? That letter made me realize just how little time we have left. Soon everything will change. But there is one thing I promise will never change," His blue eyes locked with a pair of grey ones. "No matter what happens, you are my best friend. I do not ever want to lose what we have. I do not ever want to lose you. I need you, Rodrigue"

"Thank you," Rodrigue said, smiling at his friend's words. "That is what I want as well. I hope we can always be together. Any trouble you get yourself in and any enemy you face, know I will be there besides you. I will be your shield, always ready to protect you. No matter what happens next."

They understood were two slaves to their fates. Their roles were set. There was little they could choose for themselves. But they could choose to be there for each other. And they did.   
  
Although Lambert may never love him romantically, Rodrigue was content just to walk this path with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a lot longer than I expected it to be :<


	3. i don't wanna live forever

The ground cracked under his feet as he stepped out of the council tent into the early morning rays of sunlight. Although the month of the Wyvern Moon was not yet over, snowfall was already a common phenomenon here in the vast wilderness known as Sreng and a layer of frost had formed over the ground during the night. He used to believe that growing up in Fhirdiad meant he knew cold. But winter in this frigid desert would be more brutal than any he had ever experienced in their homeland. They had to win this war swiftly before the days were shorter and they were stranded in the middle of this frozen wasteland. 

"Today is the day," came a voice from behind him. A hand touched his shoulder and squeezed. Strong and powerful but at the same time gentle and careful. Only one person in all of Faerghus could ever have such a hold over him. “How do you feel?”

“As ready as I will ever be, Your Majesty.” Rodrigue chuckled as he turned around to look at his king. Lambert was standing there with a grin on his face as the sunlight made his eyes glisten. He was already prepared for battle wearing a leather gambeson dyed the deep royal blue of Faerghus. His fur-lined cape flew behind him while his other hand held Areadbhar. Although it was far from the first time Rodrigue saw Lambert this way, it still made his heart skip a beat seeing the blonde looking like a king of legends. 

“It will work.” There was no doubt in his voice. Just as when they had been only foolish students in the officer’s academy, the blonde never questioned himself, always dashing headfirst into his ideals without worrying about the outcome. 

Rodrigue wondered if he should once again warn the other of the dangers of this conceit, and yet he knew he would not. Afterall, this unceasing confidence was one of the traits which made him captivated by the blonde. He only wished he could share in the optimism. “I hope so.” 

“You don’t sound certain, my friend.” The king chuckled while removing his hand from the other’s shoulder. He moved around his friend and continued in the direction of their horses as the Blaiddyd crest proudly waved behind him on the azure cape. He did not need to ask the other to follow. 

“I am just worried about the snow from yesterday. It is too early for snowfall.” Rodrigue trailed a few steps behind the king. “Or if I trust Margrave Gautier with our rear guard.” Although the redheaded lord had the most to gain from this campaign, he was never one to place his entire hand in one battle. If they truly ran into trouble, Rodrigue doubted Gautier would be willing to rush to rescue them unless he could guarantee his own victory and reward. No, he might even be willing to allow the king to run to his doom if it meant he could use it to his advantage. 

“Gautier will not let us down.” Lambert paused as if he was reading the other’s mind. After a moment he added, “And even if he does, I trust you and your soldiers will ensure our safety.” Lambert chuckled and looked back at his friend with his signature cocky grin. 

Rodrigue often wondered how he kept himself from punching that grin from Lambert’s face. It always meant the blonde was about to make a rash decision that Rodrigue would be left to deal with. Sometimes he wished the blonde did not have such a hold over his heart. It would at least make confronting his more reckless tendencies easier. 

"I am honored you have such faith in me, your highness, but I cannot watch over the entire battlefield." Ever since infancy, Rodrigue had been ready to give everything he could to Lambert. His life, his obedience, and his heart belonged to the king. However, he had to be a realist; he was one man and these were dozens of different tribes. 

The blonde just laughed and responded, “You worry too much Rodrigue.”

“One of us has to.” He joined the blonde laughing. There was no fighting against that intoxicating laugh of his. Just as it had when they were children, it made Rodrigue lose his inhibitions and feel as if he were about to melt. All he could do now was follow Lambert’s lead and hope the blonde’s optimism proved correct.

Or die to protect him.

* * *

The battles with Sreng were never orderly and organized like those they studied in Garreg Mach. No, these were wild skirmishes with people unused to the ways of war in the continent. These people were not organized, favoring their tribal loyalties over a strong leading figure, and used strategies that would make the professors at the Officers Academy laugh at their utter disarray. But they were strong and would fight to their last soldier. And they knew the terrain better than any Faerghus scout could. 

It was not until the battle had started that the Faerghus troops realized their current predicament. They had not realized just how wet from the recently melted snow the ground the Sreng warriors were standing on was. The horses were not used to moving in such a terrain and thus their cavalry struggled to move. But it was too late. A retreat now would only lead to a bloodbath, so they fought. 

And then, it started to sleet. Between the mud, the blood, and the snow, the battlefield became an utter nightmare, and it was almost impossible to keep track of who was a friend and who was a foe. 

Rodrigue followed Lambert amidst the chaos casting his spells to clear the path while making sure to shield the other's blind spots. He noticed how with each passing minute Lambert seemed to make more abrupt and violent movements, slowly losing the usual care he placed when he swung his lance. Suddenly, the king stopped trying to force his horse forward and made an irritated sound. He gave a quick look to his friend and tried to say something which was drowned out by the sounds of the battle. 

Much to his panic, Rodrigue watched as the blonde quickly dismounted his stallion and started fighting on foot, pushing forwards into the enemy lines like a fierce lion. Despite his usual complaints of the other's recklessness, this may have been the most hazardous stunt the young king had ever pulled. Without another moment of hesitation, Rodrigue jumped after his king. Afterall, he was the king’s shield; he would never forgive himself if something were to Lambert.

The rain on his face made it harder to see, but Areabhar shone brightly in the other’s hand serving as a beacon for the dark haired man. He pushed through the crowd follow the dim glow of the lance. As he ran, a Sreng warrior rushed at him, but he simply used the Sword of Moralta to cut him down in one clean movement. The power of the relic never failed to amaze him. 

"Lambert!" He yelled his friend's name as he took his position next to the blonde, trying to shield his blind spots. They had pushed too far ahead into enemy lines. The Kingdom soldiers were trying to follow their lead, but the two men were almost surrounded. 

"You finally arrived!" He could almost hear the smile in Lambert’s voice. The raven haired man promised to himself that he would make sure Lambert understood just how stupid he was later. But for now, all he could do was shield his friend before he got them both killed. 

The fight was not fair. There was no thrill, no skillful battle, just a bloodbath. The Sreng warriors stood no chance against two relic users trained since infancy to fight together and compliment each other. But the Sreng warriors did not run even as the Kingdom army was pushed forward, almost taking over the entire battlefield. 

“Cover me!” Lambert yelled as he used his lance to pierce another fighter, wishing to press onwards once more. He had always been a restless man who had little desire to wait for the rest of the troops. 

"Lambert, stop! We shouldn’t…" but before he could finish he saw, from the corner of his eyes, the sparks heading to the other's direction. He did not have time to try to think. He just jumped.

Pain exploded as the thoron spell struck his chest. A bright light surrounded him making him unable to see anything. All sound seemed to fade except the terrible drumming in his ears. He tried to stand steady, but the world was spinning. 

He looked up trying to focus his eyes as his body started to reorient itself from the lightning spell. A Sreng brigand stood in front of him an axe in his hand ready to swing at him. Rodrigue tried to lift the Aegis Shield to block, but between the pain and dizziness, he could not. Instead, he was met with a painful blow that made him fall into the muddy ground. 

A wild, furious roar sounded above him. Was it Lambert? Boots stomped and voices shouted around him. He tried to turn around and lift himself to see what was happening, but the pain was too overwhelming. 

A few moments later, a gloved hand touched his shoulder and turned him around. The first thing he saw was Lambert. There were soldiers surrounding him, ensuring the king would be safe, but Rodrigue only focused on his friend. Worry was apparent in that regal face.

"Rodrigue?" Lambert could not mask the terror in his voice as he slowly wrapped his arms around his friend. They felt as nice and warm as they had in Rodrigue’s old dreams, and almost made him forget the freezing rain pouring all over them. 

"Yes Lambert?" He tried to add a smile after he spoke. He was certain it looked fake, but Lambert still tried returning the gesture. 

"Stay with me, alright? Please don't close your eyes." Lambert moved an arm under the raven haired man’s legs and stood up slowly holding him close. Once Rodrigue realized what the blonde was doing, he positioned an arm behind Lambert’s neck to try to help steady himself.

Once they were up, Lambert started to walk away from the battle to carry his friend to safety. As much as Rodrigue wished he could enjoy finally being held by those powerful arms, each step Lambert took made him feel more faint.

"Heh...I won't go anywhere." He tried to laugh but a grunt came out instead. His body shivered and tried pressing closer to Lambert. Had it been so cold before? Although the places of his body in contact with Lambert felt warm, the rest of him felt like it was going to freeze. 

"Good. I will hold you to that." Lambert’s eyes looked into his as he spoke. Those tender, blue eyes held at him as if he were the most valuable possession they ever gazed upon which they could not afford to lose. Rodrigue never wanted to look away. For how long had he wished those eyes could look at him like that? Old memories started to flood into his brain of a time when he was only a foolish teenager who wished he were stronger and could vocalize the deepest desires of his heart to those bright, blue eyes. 

“Rodrigue? Please, keep talking.” Lambert spoke, waking the other from his memories. 

His mind felt foggy and dizzy as he struggled to connect his thoughts and words. Then, he remembered where they were. "What about the battle?" You should be there leading them.” He snapped as he realized what him being in Lambert’s arm meant. 

“Do not worry. Our pegasi battalions have arrived and Charon can lead them for now. They will be fine without us. ” Lambert reassured him. 

“Alright.” He laughed, glad to see the other was still as optimistic as ever. “I apologize.”

“Why? You kept me safe, my friend. This is the least I can do for you.” 

If Rodrigue was being honest with himself, he would admit that he was not even certain why he said it. Was he sorry for not sharing the blonde’s outlook about the battle or his current state? Was he apologizing for all the times he could not tell the blonde what he really felt about him? Was it just an instinctual response for him to keep apologizing at this point? But now with those eyes that he loved so deeply looking upon him, he had to say something. “I apologize you are about to have to raise two more boys.”

Lambert narrowed his eyes. "No. I will not. You see them again. They still need you." 

He thought of his two sons back home in the Fraldarius castle. Both were still so young, and yet they had already lost their mother. Lambert was right; they couldn’t lose their father as well. Regret made his heart ache with a dull ache. Was he about to fail everyone he loved and cared for? Between his wounds and regrets, he could not say which inflicted the worst pain. “It hurts.” The words slipped out of his mouth. 

"I know. But we are almost there.” Lambert quickened his pace. “Just stay with me.”

Rodrigue tried to keep looking at the blonde, but it was getting harder to keep his eyes open. All he could focus on was the man now carrying him. His warmth. His smell. How much he loved his smile and eyes. How he could not fathom living without him. He had held on to these feelings for so long, but something inside whispered that maybe it was time. So he mumbled softly, "Lamb...can I tell you a secret?"

"Hmm? Of course." He flashed him a gentle smile.

"Do you remember that day...in the Goddess Tower?" It was getting harder to think. Part of him wanted to stop now before he said something he could not take back. But he continued, "Before the dance."

"Of course. Why?” Lambert sounded puzzled.

"Do you remember...what I said?" He chuckled. His heart was beating faster and breathing was getting more difficult. He could not tell if it was from the wound or from his nerves. 

"I remember you were upset. Something about the person you wanted never wanting you back?" He could not tell if Lambert was actually asking him or if he was teasing him. His brain felt too foggy to try to scrutinize the blonde’s tone. 

“Yes…” He paused to breathe. It was getting hard. His breaths had grown short and shallow. His brain struggled to keep making coherent thoughts. Everything started to feel as if it was spinning. It was too cold. All he could feel was the pounding in his chest and the other’s warmth. He hoped he could hold on for another minute. "Turns out...I wanted..." Each word felt like an impossible challenge to say. 

"Please keep your eyes open, Rod." Lambert sounded scared. His steps grew even faster. Each step made Rodrigue feel as if he were about to fall into a whirlwind. 

His vision was fading as a white blur covered everything. "I am glad...we went…" He only managed to push out those words. A chill covered him as he felt himself drift away. 

Lambert’s voice sounded around him but he could not make out what he was saying. 

Everything just faded into a white blur.

* * *

  
  


It was cold. Too cold. 

Rodrigue opened his eyes, confused on why it was freezing inside. Where was he? Was this a tent? He tried to push himself up to look around. Pain exploded on his chest making him gasp. 

“Oh, you are finally up Duke Fraldarius.” He did not recognize the voice speaking. “Please go call his majesty, Mary.” She said to someone else, who ran out of the tent. Then he heard slow steps moving towards him. “How are you feeling, sire.” 

“What happened?” His throat felt terribly dry. 

“You do not recall, Duke Fraldarius?” The woman sat down next to him and started to examine him. Her fingers felt like ice against his skin. He looked at her face trying to remember if he had seen her before. She was surely not one of the nurses under his employment. He figured she must be one of Gautier’s from the dark crimson color of her dress. “You were critically wounded in battle protecting the king. His Majesty brought you to us just in time.”

And then he remembered parts of what happened. The battle. Lambert carrying him. Snippets of a conversation. He only hoped he had not made a fool of himself in front of Lambert.

“How long?” He still felt drowsy and weak when he tried to speak.

“It has been almost a week since the battle ended. Do not worry sire, we were still victorious despite the snow and complications.” 

“Good.” He did not wish to talk now. He only wanted to remember what he had told Lambert. How much had he actually confessed in that disoriented state?

A few minutes passed in silence. Once the cleric had finished her quick examination, she excused herself from the tent, leaving him alone. He listened to the wind howling outside as he thought about that battle. He remembered how warm and gentle Lambert’s arms had been against the cold wind and snow. Although he knew it was impossible, he longed for those arms to hold him again. He always had, even as a boy.

A breeze flew in the tent as the flap was pushed open. “Thank Sothis. You made me worry, my friend.” Lambert rushed in, taking a seat in the chair next to his bed. 

“I apologize, your Majesty.” He was not sure what to say. It all depended on how much he had said when he was wounded.

“Rodrigue, we are alone. Please,do not use titles.” He placed a hand on Rodrigue’s shoulder and squeezed as if to check if the raven haired man was still truly alive. 

Rodrigue laughed and stared into the blue eyes, so bright and full of joy as they looked at him. He loved those eyes so much. “Lambert, thank you.” He whispered.

“No,” The blonde said, “I should be the one thanking you.” 

“I was only doing my duty as a shield. You already know my life is yours.” It was the one absolute truth between them. No matter what happened, Rodrigue would do anything it took to keep Lambert safe.

“I need you alive Rodrigue. Who else can I trust with cleaning up my messes for me?” Lambert laughed that hypnotizing laugh of his. 

Rodrigue couldn’t help but join. “I guess you are correct.”

The king moved his hand from Rodrigue’s shoulder and started to mess with his hair, brushing it with his fingers. “You look horrible.” He mumbled.

“You look like you have been having a rough time yourself.” Rodrigue responded, noting how Lambert’s handsome face looked more rugged than normal. His beard was unkempt and bags had formed beneath his eyes.

“I was too worried about my idiot friend to sleep at night.” He laughed, “Do not worry about me though. I just want you to get well soon.” He removed his hand from the dark hair and crossed his arms. “How do you feel?”

“Tired.” He chuckled. There was no point in lying about it. As much as he wanted to keep talking with the blonde, his exhaustion was getting the better part of him.

“I will let you rest then.” The blonde gave him a warm smile and started to walk towards the door. However, when he was halfway through he stopped and turned the upper half of his body around to look back at Rodrigue. “You never finished telling me that secret. I am still curious.” Rodrigue could practically hear the playful smirk in his voice. 

But before Rodrigue could ask what he meant, the blonde had left. Terror filled him as he wondered what secret had he started telling Lambert in his delirious state. Groaning, he closed his eyes and tried to remember what it must have been.

He knew this would always haunt him now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here it is finally! Sorry for taking so long...I was very much stuck on what to do for this chapter until something hit me the other day. There is one more chapter left, and it should be out soon since I already have a good idea what I want to do with it.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed it.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/biabarr1) if you want to talk about anything FE3H related!


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